I felt everything in that read, because I recognised everything. I also spot patterns and try and change/ improve systems, but the people who say they want that, they don't really. At least not in large organisations or academia.
I despair of systems that break people (both adults and kids; schools are no better). We are all worth more than that. I was so glad to read your happy ending, living life as it should be lived!
You have unlocked the golden handcuffs, many people can't do that.
Isn't it funny that we are constantly told we live in a world of support now, that organisations are positive about addressing systemic issues surrounding hiring neurodivergence, disabled, and minority staff. Yet as always it is just a facade, a corporste image to receive more ESG investment from their friends.
It is all and has always been an illusion, if you are not flavour of the month to look good for them 'helping' then good luck.
It is everywhere, in religion I have to prove myself in front of a panel of church peers, I have to prove my personal connection to God and have it assessed by three humans as to whether I 'qualify' for a role with the church, just four walls and a roof. But three humans deciding a fate based on such a thing is antithetical to it in the first place. I see a lot of crossover with your situation here, despite the differences of area.
I can relate to every single thing in this piece. Every. single. thing. I truly wish I had been able to leave on my own terms, but I did not. I went through the grind of being silently cut out of decisions I used to own. Being gossiped about and gaslit in the background. Having my team members turned against me. Being blamed for decisions I did not endorse. All of it. And then when they still couldn't fire me with cause, because there was no cause, they did the classic thing of just eliminating my position and then continuing to lie about me after I was pushed out. All of this eats away at your soul, your sense of self, but the people that truly knew me and stuck by me (a very few), knew the truth. The Senior Director that tried to unload all his bad decisions at my doorstep got pushed out a few months after he laid me off. He's on his second company since then, I guess his snake oil isn't working as well. And I am feeling better, more centered, and healthier than I have been in years. Sometimes a forced break is good for the soul. I am glad we both found our way to it.
The slow exclusion, driven to burnout, confusion/outrage at others' willingness to do the easy thing vs. the right thing, these were all my experience, too. The more we talk about these experiences, the more off-ramps we provide others who feel leashed, too.
I fit into the problematic stereotype of privileged male in tech, and even I have witnessed some occasions in my career where I did not feel comfortable because of watching the system in play and not agreeing with it. It always stemmed from the same kind of problems - organisational management. If you didn't like working within the system laid out for you, if you didn't fit in, then there is nothing you can do about it but leave. With no power yourself, you realise you have no sway or control in how to steer the ship.
I, however, haven't had the courage to completely forge a path on my own, so I do not think you're crazy. I have been trying to follow your recent posts about your ideas and I already feel lost - you are clearly onto something, and I hope that it leads to a happier future for you.
Freedom!!!! It’s the only thing I can say at the moment after reading this, braveheart. Sometimes life puts you in difficult situations. You will find your way, that’s what I repeat to myself everyday.
This is a lot of companies and I agree it is very very sad. I have days I feel the same way and I have allies high up but I have been the places you describe way too many times.
I care too much to lie to people and pretend it is all rosy. I have learned to let people fail and not blame myself. To be conscious about when I fight battles but sometimes you are just a place and you never can win.. and you have to walk. It really really hurts.
I felt everything in that read, because I recognised everything. I also spot patterns and try and change/ improve systems, but the people who say they want that, they don't really. At least not in large organisations or academia.
I despair of systems that break people (both adults and kids; schools are no better). We are all worth more than that. I was so glad to read your happy ending, living life as it should be lived!
You have unlocked the golden handcuffs, many people can't do that.
Isn't it funny that we are constantly told we live in a world of support now, that organisations are positive about addressing systemic issues surrounding hiring neurodivergence, disabled, and minority staff. Yet as always it is just a facade, a corporste image to receive more ESG investment from their friends.
It is all and has always been an illusion, if you are not flavour of the month to look good for them 'helping' then good luck.
It is everywhere, in religion I have to prove myself in front of a panel of church peers, I have to prove my personal connection to God and have it assessed by three humans as to whether I 'qualify' for a role with the church, just four walls and a roof. But three humans deciding a fate based on such a thing is antithetical to it in the first place. I see a lot of crossover with your situation here, despite the differences of area.
I can relate to every single thing in this piece. Every. single. thing. I truly wish I had been able to leave on my own terms, but I did not. I went through the grind of being silently cut out of decisions I used to own. Being gossiped about and gaslit in the background. Having my team members turned against me. Being blamed for decisions I did not endorse. All of it. And then when they still couldn't fire me with cause, because there was no cause, they did the classic thing of just eliminating my position and then continuing to lie about me after I was pushed out. All of this eats away at your soul, your sense of self, but the people that truly knew me and stuck by me (a very few), knew the truth. The Senior Director that tried to unload all his bad decisions at my doorstep got pushed out a few months after he laid me off. He's on his second company since then, I guess his snake oil isn't working as well. And I am feeling better, more centered, and healthier than I have been in years. Sometimes a forced break is good for the soul. I am glad we both found our way to it.
The slow exclusion, driven to burnout, confusion/outrage at others' willingness to do the easy thing vs. the right thing, these were all my experience, too. The more we talk about these experiences, the more off-ramps we provide others who feel leashed, too.
I fit into the problematic stereotype of privileged male in tech, and even I have witnessed some occasions in my career where I did not feel comfortable because of watching the system in play and not agreeing with it. It always stemmed from the same kind of problems - organisational management. If you didn't like working within the system laid out for you, if you didn't fit in, then there is nothing you can do about it but leave. With no power yourself, you realise you have no sway or control in how to steer the ship.
I, however, haven't had the courage to completely forge a path on my own, so I do not think you're crazy. I have been trying to follow your recent posts about your ideas and I already feel lost - you are clearly onto something, and I hope that it leads to a happier future for you.
Freedom!!!! It’s the only thing I can say at the moment after reading this, braveheart. Sometimes life puts you in difficult situations. You will find your way, that’s what I repeat to myself everyday.
This is a lot of companies and I agree it is very very sad. I have days I feel the same way and I have allies high up but I have been the places you describe way too many times.
I care too much to lie to people and pretend it is all rosy. I have learned to let people fail and not blame myself. To be conscious about when I fight battles but sometimes you are just a place and you never can win.. and you have to walk. It really really hurts.